Six Traits of a Marxist Douchebag

1.     Overcomplication of basic tenets and principles

Normal Person: So you’re a Marxist? Can you explain to me what you believe?

Marxist Douchebag: I believe that the epistemological framework inherent in the institutionalization of private property stems from the literal interpretation of economic realism. Furthermore, the arbitrary principles upon which the capitalist system is established are examined not in the context of physical ineptitude but by the exploitation of the modern worker. Consider a political framework established in a labour environment devoid of any utilization of monetary, as opposed to tangible means of production. It is only by this dialectic that you can ever understand the Zen of Marxism.

Normal person: what the fuck are you talking about?

2.     Relating politics to things that have nothing to do with politics

Normal Person: The Lion King is one of my favourite movies. Have you seen it yet?

Marxist Douchebag: The Lion King is a capitalist invention used to perpetuate the institutionalization of private property. The kingdom should have been distributed  equally among the workers after the death of King Mufasa instead of being given to Simba. Property is theft, man.

3.     Nonsensical Apologies for tyrannical regimes

Normal person: If communism is so great, then how do you explain North Korea?

Marxist Douchebag: North Korea is actually one of the most prosperous countries in the world. Poverty and Starvation are small prices to pay for living in a Marxist utopia. All hail Dear Leader!

4.     Refusal to acknowledge basic human nature

Normal Person: If all wealth is equally distributed in a communist society, then wouldn’t there be a shortage of doctors and engineers since there would be no monetary incentive to become one?

Marxist Douchebag: No, you’re wrong. People would become doctors and engineers out of the goodness of their hearts because they would want to help society, not because they want the money. Greedy people are a product of capitalist mentality. Greed did not exist before capitalism. It magically came into the universe after the birth of Adam Smith.

5.     Thinking that Capitalism is Literally Hitler

Normal Person: I think I might vote for Ron Paul.

Marxist Douchebag: Why don’t you just put on an SS uniform and goose-step down the street you anti-Semitic pig? Fascist scum like you disgust me.

6.     A comical hatred for Ayn Rand

Normal Person: The Fountainhead is one of my favourite novels.

Marxist Douchebag: Ayn Rand was a fucking stupid Russian bitch who chain-smoked like a fucking cunt and hated poor people. She also cheated on her husband, thereby discrediting her philosophy. She also accepted money from the government and she was so fucking ugly. What a batshit insane fucking cunt she was. She’s rotting in hell now and subhuman vomit like you will soon join her. You should read good communist literature like The Red Book by Mao Tse-Tung instead.