1. Overcomplication of basic tenets and
principles
Normal
Person: So you’re a Marxist? Can you explain to me what you believe?
Marxist
Douchebag: I believe that the epistemological framework inherent in the
institutionalization of private property stems from the literal interpretation
of economic realism. Furthermore, the arbitrary principles upon which the
capitalist system is established are examined not in the context of physical
ineptitude but by the exploitation of the modern worker. Consider a political
framework established in a labour environment devoid of any utilization of
monetary, as opposed to tangible means of production. It is only by this
dialectic that you can ever understand the Zen of Marxism.
Normal
person: what the fuck are you talking about?
2. Relating politics to things that have
nothing to do with politics
Normal
Person: The Lion King is one of my favourite movies. Have you seen it yet?
Marxist
Douchebag: The Lion King is a capitalist invention used to perpetuate the
institutionalization of private property. The kingdom should have been distributed equally among the workers after the death of King Mufasa instead of being
given to Simba. Property is theft, man.
3. Nonsensical Apologies for tyrannical
regimes
Normal
person: If communism is so great, then how do you explain North Korea?
Marxist
Douchebag: North Korea is actually one of the most prosperous countries in the
world. Poverty and Starvation are small prices to pay for living in a Marxist
utopia. All hail Dear Leader!
4. Refusal to acknowledge basic human
nature
Normal
Person: If all wealth is equally distributed in a communist society, then
wouldn’t there be a shortage of doctors and engineers since there would be no
monetary incentive to become one?
Marxist Douchebag:
No, you’re wrong. People would become doctors and engineers out of the goodness
of their hearts because they would want to help society, not because they want
the money. Greedy people are a product of capitalist mentality. Greed did not
exist before capitalism. It magically came into the universe after the birth of
Adam Smith.
5. Thinking that Capitalism is Literally
Hitler
Normal
Person: I think I might vote for Ron Paul.
Marxist
Douchebag: Why don’t you just put on an SS uniform and goose-step down the
street you anti-Semitic pig? Fascist scum like you disgust me.
6. A comical hatred for Ayn Rand
Normal
Person: The Fountainhead is one of my favourite novels.
Marxist
Douchebag: Ayn Rand was a fucking stupid Russian bitch who chain-smoked like a
fucking cunt and hated poor people. She also cheated on her husband, thereby
discrediting her philosophy. She also accepted money from the government and
she was so fucking ugly. What a batshit insane fucking cunt she was. She’s
rotting in hell now and subhuman vomit like you will soon join her. You should
read good communist literature like The Red Book by Mao Tse-Tung instead.
