A Treatise On Alcohol

In nearly every high school wood-shop class, there are always one or two delinquents who cannot, despite their best efforts, refrain from fooling around and subsequently injuring themselves on the machinery. In a state of nature, these individuals would conveniently be removed from the gene pool by a process of natural selection. Whether they are obnoxiously filing their fingernails on a disc sander, or placing their digits within close proximity to a band-saw blade, the end result of such incidents usually involves a lost appendage and the teacher having to wipe the arterial spray off the classroom equipment.

The reason why some individuals injure themselves on otherwise benign machinery is because they lack a fundamental respect for the function and power of the tools they are using. Just like disc sanders, band saws, needles, matchsticks, assault rifles, and plutonium-core implosion type nuclear weapons, alcohol is a tool. One who lacks the respect for an alcoholic beverage and the effects it has upon them will likely abuse the function of alcohol at a detrimental impact to themselves. Someone must have a clear understanding for the function of alcohol in order to enjoy it safely. Those who lack this understanding will never cease to injure themselves as well as others when they consume it. They are no greater than those demented cretins who slice off their pinkie fingers in tenth grade with a table saw.

Get Off My Property

Many times man has set up a flagpole in the dirt and claimed ownership to a piece of land. He declares that he, above all the denizens of nature is the rightful heir to this segment of dirt and rocks to which he has laid claim despite none of the land’s qualities having changed; nothing is different about the land from when it was owned by nobody. The man will set up shelter on the land and cultivate its resources for his own gain, however the land does not recognize it is owned. The animals and bacteria, and flora and fauna do not beg forgiveness because they infringe on the man’s property. They won’t conform to the man’s laws and regulations, for they will not recognize his claim to the earth. Despite of this, He will beget and raise a family on the piece of land. The population will grow. Buildings and institutions form and scrape the clouds out of the sky, but the land will still not have changed. The borders he has established do nothing to keep the air from flowing in and out of his state, nor do the trees rip themselves from their roots and settle elsewhere to accommodate all the man’s roads, banks, and public housing projects. The man is preoccupied establishing laws and regulations keeping other inhabitants of this fenced-off corner of the universe conformed to his interests and respectful of these lines he has drawn in the dirt. Meanwhile, the sun shines down on the grass and the maple trees absorb the sunlight and turn the nutrients into sucrose which they use to live. Deer eat the maple trees and cows eat the grass and are thus consumed by wolves and boa constrictors. While beneath them, the land remains as it had been before it was owned, and shall thus remain until the buildings block the sunlight from the sky.